I know that! I know that. It was stupid and...and selfish, and cowardly -- [She tries to fill the words with anger and hatred, all negative emotions wrapped in a veil of fury.

She fails.] -- and I wish that she -- [She wants to use Shirley as a scapegoat for her feelings by turning them to anger rather than despair, but, even now, she knows she doesn't really feel that way about her.] -- and I wish -- [She hurts, and it is so much easier to hurt than to be hurt.] -- I wish -- ! [If she could turn it to anger and blame like she usually does, she could deal with it.]