blessingone | [ action / voice ] backdated to Tuesday because I was too tired to post it then

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[ action / voice ] backdated to Tuesday because I was too tired to post it then

[ So, Fenimore had spent the last event as

bittyblessing. That had been fine at the time, but, now that the event was over, it had its own issues.

One of them was clothes. Another was pretty much everything else she owned.

Some of her belongings had stayed in the house -- Stella had rescued and retained some outfits, for example -- but, as they lay unclaimed during the event, many eventually disappeared (Shuri and the trash can are particularly suspect in this matter). She had made a brief effort to find particularly important effects, like the locket Shirley had given her -- that disappearance had sent her into a panic until she found it again. But, for the most part, she was too busy sulking to go out into the general social sphere.

Until, well, she woke up one morning to realize that she was down to one clean outfit. One...embarrassing outfit from when she had spent an experiment trying to be a magical girl. (Top and right, respectively, but with added stockings and arm warmers. After all, it was winter at that time.)

Unable to avoid the chore any longer, she can be found in or on her way to either the clothing or item shops, attempting to pretend that there's nothing wrong with this outfit.

She can also be found partway there under a tree, in the same outfit, seemingly attempting to reason with a strange bird sitting on a high branch. It seems that, sometime between her kidnapping and her return after the event, the peepit chick she got for Christmas escaped and has been living the wild life. ] Look, I said I was sorry. Now would you -- ?

[ The bird squawks and turns its back on her. Fenimore huffs as though she suspects the bird to be intelligent enough to understand an apology and reject it, opening her journal, transmitting a request as Voice. ]

Does anyone here speak bird? [Her intended request was for someone who was good at catching birds, but, annoyed, it came out as a more sarcastic one.]

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[But she moves on quickly, looking back at the river.] It sounds like you've already heard the most important part. ...I'm not Orerines -- human. [Her time in Luceti has done wonders for her ability to say "human" naturally, so the slight awkwardness with the word is unlikely to be noticeable.] I'm one of the Ferines. It means "people of the water," just like Orerines means "people of the land." We're completely different species -- it's not just a little difference. My village might have been built on the land, but we're most at home in the sea.

... pretty similar though. [He kicks a stone off the bridge and watches the ripples it forms expand.]

I mean, there's this mermaid I know... she has a fish tail. You've got legs. [Okay so maybe he's not really making a meaningful or heartfelt point here or anything.] So... why is it such a big secret for you, anyway? I mean, there's a lot of people here who do stuff way wackier than take really long swims.

Not everyone's as accepting as you are. [She watches the ripples, resting her head on her arms.] I don't want to take chances, and by the time I know if someone is accepting.... [She also kicks a rock off.] It's not really an easy thing to bring up.

You're joking right? I wouldn't call myself that accepting. I used to hate anyone Fire Nation and Suki had to convince me that girls could be fighters. That's not even getting into all the weird stuff here. [It's kind of hard to grasp why she'd need to keep it a secret here of all things-]

[... unless. He recalls San and Moro's story. They hate humans. They did nothing but evil and despite Luceti being different, those two haven't fully come around. He finds himself thinking back...

Where did those scars come from?]

These Ore-whatever, humans, what were they like in your world?

[She was about to argue against his self-assessment, and had even turned towards him, mouth opening to start, when the question sidetracks her.]

What do you mean, what are they like on my world? They aren't all alike -- everyone's different, just like here. Isn't that the same everywhere? [Because she honestly and unquestioningly believes that there are people in Luceti, and everywhere, who are as unaccepting and cruel as some of the Orerines she encountered -- and more than just Luceti's small resident villain population.]

Okay, I can't argue with that. We met bad people in the Earth Kingdom. A lot, actually. But we also met a lot of good people in the Fire Nation, despite them being our enemies.

[So... what was his point here? Oh yeah.] But you seem to care about it more than Stella does. When we went to the ocean, she didn't even care about the whole... hair thing.

[She's a bit curious about the mentions of places in his world ~~though he might have mentioned one or two of them before~~, but she'll deal with the second part.

She exhales sharply.] Back home, Stella would be the strange one for that. And Shirley is, too, even if she wasn't as reckless as Stella. Most Ferines....

[How to word this? She takes a deep breath, looking down at the water. Her thoughts move down darker paths and her expression darkens accordingly.] It's not something small -- not back home. People die for being Ferines. ...But Stella doesn't seem to care about it.

[... and then it begins to click. It wasn't just being different. Humans were actively trying to hunt them down... get rid of them. It was just like the Air Nomads. Trying to wipe out an entire culture at once.]

... humans, they're the ones doing it. [His expression hardens and he has to keep from getting angered about it.] ... why?

Because we're Ferines, and they're Orerines. [The words are a little distant, without the spite that used to accompany them, but they almost sound practiced -- perhaps she's quoting something she was taught. She stops for a moment before sighing and shifts to rest her forehead on her arms.] That's what I used to think. But there are good ones, ones who treated me like anyone else. ...I started to hope, once, that it was only people who didn't care about the lives of Orerines, either. [Her volume begins to rise, her voice emotional, desperate. Her hands grip her arms tightly.] Even if they treated us even worse than that, whatever they called us, maybe I could start to understand if even Orerines called them evil...!

[She raises her head and speaks slowly, haltingly, as she tries to remember the wording.] "I show the utmost consideration for my fellow human beings, but you aren't human, are you?" [She practically spits out the last part.] Any time they want something from us, there are Orerines who don't care what they do to us to get it. They don't care -- I'm not a human, but I'm not a monster!

[Of course, Sokka's only getting part of the story. Fenimore has no idea that the knight captain she's quoting is actually kind of a douche to everyone, she doesn't quite understand the reprehensible power struggle that is motivating some of the atrocities, and she would never learn back home about what the Ferines would try to do to the Orerines in turn. And there are many details about the first meeting between Ferines and Orerines that are lost to everyone. But, for her, this is the truth.]

["But you aren't human"... those words make his blood boil and he ends up squeezing the rails tightly to prevent himself from going into an outburst that he already knew would be unhelpful to them both.]

That... that jerk, whoever he was, he was the monster. People like that don't deserve to call themselves human! [If he had that bastard right now, he'd... ugh. It's no good. You can't take back what's already done, especially in another world he'll never go to. It's just frustrating. That's the world Fenimore gets to back to!?]

[~~Not for long since she's also going back to be dead but since neither knows this~~ Fenimore stays quiet for a moment. She doesn't really know what to say to that last comment. If that kind of behaviour prompted expulsion from the human race, she personally thinks that would leave a sizeable fraction at a loss. But, while that fraction has decreased from its original 100% to somewhere around a half to a notably smaller fraction over her time in Luceti, it's not exactly tactful to mention in this case. Especially since the anger on her behalf is relieving -- for a case like this, it's certainly not surprising for a friend like Sokka would be, but that strong of a reaction to the speciesism isn't something she will not let herself expect from an Orerines. And, anyway, maybe she would respond the same way if their situations were reversed -- not that she expects that kind of behaviour from a Ferines.

But, relief or not, it's not enough to dispell the entirity of the anger on its own. Her voice is no longer expressing rage, but there is still anger in the tone.] ...I don't want to hear anything like that again. Or.... [Here she stops. She hadn't noticed Sokka see her scars, distracted as she was at the time. As far as she knows, he might think she had only encountered mouthy jerks and heard about people dying -- bad as that might be. Does he really need to know what she went through? It might be nice to have him get angry for her, but it would be at his expense. Who would want to hear about that?

Besides, she preferred hiding it away and pretending it didn't exist. Even if it would never heal that way, it hurt less. So she shakes her head slightly and continues.]

The others don't think it could happen here. ["The people here aren't Orerines." She still doesn't believe Walter, even long after he's left. Humans are humans. A rose by any other name still has its thorns.] But I'm not going to take that chance. ...That's why I care.

Edited 2011-05-07 03:35 (UTC)

[He wishes he could say that what happened to her was unique and would never happen otherwise. But then when he thinks of Fenimore's scars, all he can remember is that little girl, here in Luceti only briefly, after being tortured by flames from heartless Firebenders. How he had to earn her trust and then how hard and heartbreaking it was to try to heal it all. Okay, maybe it wasn't really him. But those feelings were real and they've stuck with him. He didn't like the idea of torture before, but now it just infuriates him.

... those scars on Fenimore weren't an accident. Even if he doesn't find out why they're there, it's enough to know that it was those Orerines... humans who did it. He'd never felt the need to prove humans weren't bad to Moro. She was as much a monster herself in maliciousness. But not Fenimore. What had she ever done to anyone?

He turns to her, trying to keep a calm, even if part of him is still brewing underneath the surface.]

I know I'm not as strong as someone like Adell, but as long as I can help it, nobody will be able to do anything like that here. Not to you... or Stella or Sophie.

[And when he isn't there? Before Luceti, Walter seemed to have little else on his mind beyond protecting Shirley, but it only took a few hours' absense for those knights to come and slaughter any Ferines in their way. The last moment in her world, she saw the knight captain turn his sword on Shirley; the next moment in her world, she will die by that same sword. And, even when he is, what could he do about what people say, or think?

But she keeps this cynical first response inside, continuing to look at the river in silence for a few moments. She can't expect any more than what he's offering, and she doesn't intend to.

...Maybe she's letting fear think for her too much. The people from the Legacy didn't treat her badly when they knew. Maybe it isn't because there are good countries and bad countries -- not entirely. Maybe there were people who hated the Ferines there, too, who kept quiet due to the pressure from the more vocal ones who seemed neutral about them. There are a few people here other than Sokka who she hopes will accept her and might feel the same as he does. If there are enough, then maybe the hypothetical people who would not accept her -- who Fenimore still believes exist despite the existence of other non-humans -- will keep their thoughts to themselves.

It wouldn't be pleasant, having people think that way about her, but she doesn't take it for granted that humans will be accepting, so the existence of humans who are means a lot to her. In spite of the initial cynicism, what Sokka said means a lot to her. She should express her gratitude.]

[But she instead tries to respond more lightheartedly as she turns towards him, to try to clear some of the tension and to ~~tsun~~ mask how much it means to her. However, she kind of totally fails to express this lighthearted intent in her tone, which actually sounds more dismissive. She hopes he doesn't take it the wrong way.] If you didn't offer, I'd have made you help, anyway.

[Well, not quite what he was expecting. But honestly, he should. That's definitely Fenimore, so he smirks, just a little.]

Well, at least you think I'm reliable. That's something.

[Her heart's not entirely in it, but she manages to force a corner of her mouth up, resting her chin on her hand.]

You're not bad. [Even though she does actually think he's one of the more reliable people she knows (in three completely different ways thanks Malnosso). She looks back towards the river again, her voice quieter.] ...But I appreciate it.

[It's not hard to tell it's forced and it's met with a small nod before he turns to the river himself. He's quiet for a moment before he decides to fess up something he's been keeping to himself.]

... is that how you got those scars?

[She stiffens visibly at his words. Her scars were, arguably, an even more closely guarded secret than her species, as she tried to keep it even from people like Stella and Shirley. And, while she would never admit it even to herself, that part of her that still held his opinion on her apperance in higher regard than she really ought to since the February event is particularly unhappy that it's Sokka who knows about it.

A little of the tension leaks out as she smiles without any humour or happiness associated with it.] So, you saw it, too, huh? [She's quiet as she thinks about how much she wants to tell him in answer, smile fading, when another thought strikes her. She glances in his direction with her eyes, barely moving her head.] Unless you were talking to Suki about it.

[She doubts it, though -- if Suki had told him about what they were talking about, he wouldn't need to ask.]

[... he hadn't realized Suki had seen it. Of course now it's obvious. They were in that room for so long talking, that Sokka had wandered off to find Toph. That must have been what that was all about. He's not surprised Suki didn't mention it. Hell, he didn't say anything to her about it, after all. They had invaded Fen's privacy enough.]

I... didn't realize she knew.

...I guess she wouldn't have told you. [She is glad that she had kept it secret, but it does make things a little harder now. She has to explain all over again.

She doesn't answer right away, trying to sort through her thoughts, her head lowered almost to the point of looking at her arms folded on the rail rather than the river. When she speaks, her voice is angry.] That dream I had.... [She's referring to the one that had sent her running to Sokka and Suki's bed, the last day of the previous experiment. As a scared child, she wouldn't have given many details, but, amongst her babbling, there may have been enough to form a picture of soldiers in red attacking a village.] That was the first time I had ever seen an -- a human. They're the ones who gave them to me.

[... so he guessed right. One of those moments where it really, really sucks to be right. He remembers just smiling and reassuring that little girl that it was just a dream and that it didn't mean anything. It makes him feel sick.]

... I'm sorry. That's... hard. [The words feels empty. But words don't make scars go away.]

I know it's hard! I was the one who had to live through it! [She also knows that snapping at Sokka isn't going to help anything. She knows that he meant it as a comfort. And if she thought about it, she'd even realize that, were their situations reversed, she would probably have said about the same to him.

But she doesn't feel like bothering to be particularly rational, either. So, while she might take a moment to collect herself a little and keep from snapping at him again, she doesn't apologize for it. The anger doesn't fully leave her voice, either.] ...It hasn't even been two years. The -- the scars, the ones on my back...I've only had most of them for a month before I came here. I still hated humans then. -- I don't now, of course, but.... [She struggles to find the right words before, sighing, she takes them from Sokka.] It's hard.

[It might not cross his mind, but, in case it might, she told him once about one other thing from only a month before her arrival in Luceti -- how long she'd known Shirley.]

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